the weight

The weight
gets heavier and heavier
with each coming day.

Wake up.

Go to school.

Get good grades.

Smile.

Look pretty.

Be nice to everyone.

Talk to friends.

Go to class.

Do your work.

Answer questions.

Go to work.

Work hard.

Meet expectations.

Go home.

Repeat.

The weight
gets heavier and heavier
with each coming day
and i don't know
how long it will be
until
it
crushes
me.

out of reach

I see the way
your eyes
looks at her
when you think
she isn't looking.

They roam over
her bowed lips
when she talk
the swing of her hips
when she walks
and the way her eyes
gaze around the room.

Oh why
Oh why
can it not be me?

Why can't your eyes
light up
when they meet
mine.

Why can't you
admire the way
i talk
the way
i walk.

Why must the fates be so cruel
to put something
so close
to me
but
so far
out of my
reach.

sick

I'm just so fucking sick of it.
So.
Fucking.
Sick.

Why do you think you can just talk to me
after ignoring me?

Why do you think you can coming running to me
when your friends leave you
and I'm your only option.

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Someone important?

Someone who means something to me?

Well I'm here to tell you:
you
mean
nothing
to
me.

Go fuck around with your friends
and when they leave
stay alone
deal with it
don't come running to me
because
I don't want you.

drowning

I feel like I am constantly drowning; drowning in school work; drowning in relationships; just drowning. I feel like each time I complete a task there is one lined up next and the line ever ends. 

I feel like I am merely tredding water on the weekdays, just managing to keep my head above and keep myself from slipping under. On the weekends I find the floor or dry land; I manage to get on top of things and the drowning sensation leaves. When Monday comes again and a new set of tasks wait me; the ground slips away from my feel and my life becomes unstable again. 

Maybe I feel this way because I have no place I belong at the moment. 

letting go

Before I started high school I was bewildered at the though of dropping out or even getting bad grades. I have always been in the top class for most of my subjects and gotten good grades. Not once had I ever though of flunking a test or assignment; I had always studied and completed it to the best of my ability. 

Now I just feel like letting go; being free; enjoying life as it comes; not worrying about homework or tests or assignments.

letting go.

darkness

When I was younger I was always afraid of the dark. I used to have a night light next to my bed, the door open with the light outside my room on and my wardrobe door firmly shut. I'm still not sure what I was afraid of, was it the monster under my bed? Or was he in my wardrobe or outside my room? Was I afraid of a murder coming into my room and kidnapping or murdering me? 

To this day I am still unsure why I was afraid of the dark, maybe I was afraid of the unknown.